Anybody who knows me knows that I love feedback. Good, bad, or otherwise.  "Otherwise" is usually the most interesting, but you get the picture. I love it. I also know that every pastor gets a lot of mixed feedback after church on any given Sunday.  "I found the sermon confusing"  followed by the next person who says, "I found the sermon life changing".  Which was it?  Both most likely.  It's a reminder that ultimately God has to make any ministry effort effective and that He mysteriously does so on His terms and timetable.

There's another kind of mixed feedback pastors of any church receive and it goes like this:   "I've been coming to this Church for 3 weeks now and have found it to be the most welcoming and kind community. I've never made friends so fast and I feel I already have real community here."  The next person in line then says, "I've been coming to this Church for 3 weeks now and I'm letting you know I might be going elsewhere. The community feels closed to me and I have never felt more lonely."   One couldn't be more happy, the other more sad. I can feel the intensity of the emotions of both persons.  It goes far beyond commentary on the music, the sermon, the liturgy, etc.  It is intense because this feedback is dealing with nuclear material.

The early chapters of Genesis usually spark good discussion about creation, males and females who are made in God's image and are to represent his rule and reign and partner with Him in the tasks of cultivating a civilization that brings about human flourishing and so on.  But I think we often skip over the radical nature of God calling something bad while Paradise is still intact.  In the beginning chapters of scripture God pronounces a malediction on one thing before the Fall.  Loneliness.  Adam has a perfect relationship with God, to the physical world around him, and yet the inspired commentary about that person's state of affairs is called "not good".  That's more significant than we realize I'd wager.  We might all agree "yes loneliness is a difficult thing", but would you put it in the nuclear material category of needs for a human being to flourish?  I would.  People need God.  But even with God, people need people. Being lonely, feeling alone, is crushing and debilitating because we are not meant to be alone.  A God who exists in trinitarian community made us relational.

In the past few weeks I have heard stories of what I call "the ministry of showing up".  After a worship service a person has received bad news about the death of a relative and while surrounded by people, in that moment feels like the only person on earth. A deacon notices and simply reaches out to say "I notice you are upset, I'm a deacon here is there anything I can do?"  A woman needs someone to help her trust that the church can be a safe place for her to grow her faith.  An older woman makes room for her and conversations begin.  A young man is overwhelmed by the abuse of his childhood, and now feels like he's slipping off the grid of life.  An older man sees a disconnect, and makes himself vulnerable to him and over coffee talks about his own story of abuse and offers to talk about potential healing paths and what a new direction might look like. A lay leader comes to me and says "I'm not doing well" and I say "neither am I, let's go grab breakfast tomorrow".  At the meal I say "you felt alone didn't you?"  The answer: exactly.

I know everybody's story is complicated and there are a long lists of issues that each of us are dealing with at different seasons of our life.  But the creeping high tide of loneliness is constantly crawling our way. Of course, developing our own faith in Christ and drawing on those resources are critical. But that wasn't enough in Paradise and it's certainly not enough in a fallen world.  We must be intentional with ourselves and with others to counter loneliness and seek relationships and community and we must commit ourselves to a life of showing up for others.

This post is not going to devolve into a list of how City Church is trying to address the need for connection, love, and belonging that we all have in our lives. Nor a detailed assessment of how we are doing. It's mixed, and we are working really hard at it. But I want you to do something. I want you to have your loneliness radar set to 10.  I want you to look for it around you, and make room for people. A call. A conversation. An invitation to coffee.  Don't worry if you don't know what to say.  God will make it clear. The main thing is that you are showing up in their lives, and being there. Because people need people.