“Some people enter the wilderness willingly. Others enter kicking and screaming.” (p.124 Leaving Egypt)

I enter it somewhat kicking, but mostly whining and complaining. I didn’t even want to think or talk about Leaving Egypt. Is there a 'Going Back to Egypt' group I could join? That’d be much easier and sounds more fun... As good as the “furnace of transformation” seems, a part of me still whispers in a childish voice, “Do I have to?” or even “Not fair!” or “Why!” I get it intellectually, that the wilderness is necessary. But going through it is much more difficult, and in it, I begin to wonder if this is really going to pay off. Sometimes it sure doesn’t look like it.

At some point after we began this study, I even tricked myself into thinking that I’m already in the Promise Land. I’ve left some difficult Egypts in my life already, and there were some tough wilderness times that I’ve already been through. And they were hard times. Do I have to rehash that memory again? Can’t I just move on and accept God’s love, forgiveness, and grace?

Then I’m reminded that there was a Good Friday before the Resurrection...

All I’m saying is that the journey to a kind of death is not easy. I’m kicking, screaming, resisting, covering it with cartoon Band-aids and lotion infused Kleenexes...

Even in the midst of trying to take on a time of wilderness and uncertainty, I am counting the cost. It will make me a better person. How do I grieve well, (and get over it already!)? What do I need to do and what’s the next step? But I’m trying. It’s kind of depressing and deep change makes me feel uneasy, even anxious. I’m trying literally to just sit and reflect on my pains and call out to God in silence. I’m trying to change my attitude about daily life, friendships, and family. I’m thinking about trying to have some open conversations, even confrontations when needed and how to do that wisely.

Leaving Egypt means changing a whole lifestyle, or in other words theology or worldview. Shifts are made slowly and a complete turning around takes even longer. That’s the hard part, not knowing, as the Psalmist put it so in desperate hope, “How long, oh Lord? How long?”

Something about the meaning of 40 years is encouraging. That it’s a lifetime. And the Israelites did experience the presence of God throughout their journey. I don’t know how long but I know God meets me throughout. God better.