Erasing Shame: A Better Conversation About Sex
In March we will be holding a two-day conference entitled “Erasing Shame: A Better Conversation about Sex.” This is part of our emphasis during Lent to recognize and reclaim that our faith is an embodied faith. We celebrate the resurrection of Jesus as one that forever hallowed the physical. That, as Paul says in 1 Corinthians, “The Lord is for the body.”
For many of us this kind of message has been lost. Christian teaching has, frankly, too often been fearful of the body, or more likely, ashamed of the body. A message consisting of little more than ‘no sex before marriage’ has often led to misinformation about human sexuality, feelings of fear and shame, and inadequate support for developing healthy intimacy.
Add to this the modern-day reality of deferred marriage, which compounds the questions people ask. According to the most recent estimates from the U.S. Census Bureau, the average age of first marriage for women in 2017 was 27.4 years. For men, it's slightly older at 29.5 years. That's the longest Americans have ever waited to get married. In urban settings like San Francisco, the average is much higher. Many are searching for a deeper understanding of their sexuality that encompasses this reality where people enter marriage, not directly after puberty, but well into their 30s and 40s.
At City Church, we believe the writer of Hebrews when they wrote: “Let marriage be held in honor by all.” And yet, the truth is that our understanding of marriage has changed over time. Not only does marriage come at a later stage of human development for many today, we value mutuality and romantic love in different ways than the ancient world did—than even our grandparents did! So how can we be a church that encourages the deep wisdom of an inclusive covenantal pro-monogamy norm while acknowledging how our notions of marriage were formed and the way marriage works today? How do we take sex more seriously than purity culture on one hand or hookup culture on the other? When we avoid tackling these questions in the light, we sow deep disorder in the dark. Many of us know all too well the church’s complicity in sexual abuse and assault. Instead, what might it look like to be a community that upholds safety and consent? How can we avoid fostering toxic shame while upholding aspirations for mutual honor and fidelity?
We must talk about this. To remain silent on topics like this only encourages hiding and repression. We have so many negative and shame-based understandings of human sexuality that need the benefit of a church that will talk out loud about one of the most central parts of our lives. We believe in having the conversations that are hard, uncomfortable, and difficult because we believe they are the gateway to healing and wholeness.
As a step into this conversation we will be hosting the co-creator of the hash tag #ChurchToo, Emily Joy. She will be with us on Friday night March 8th to tell her story and talk about what she learned from this hash tag going viral.
On Saturday, March 9th, Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers, author of Sex, God, and the Conservative Church will be with us to lead a daylong seminar exploring:
- Sexual health across the life-cycle
- How to talk openly and safely about sexual health amidst diverse stories and points of view
- The sex-positive stories that were buried in ancient Judeo-Christian writings
- A Christian sexual ethic that is possible from the body positive, all-people positive, ministry of Jesus
- How to apply this to our lives in healing and hopeful ways
I look forward to a great weekend of conversation and growth about really important things in a setting of safety and wisdom for all.
DETAILS
Friday, March 8 | 6:30 - 8:30 PM and Saturday March 9 | 9 AM - 4 PM
First Congregational Church of San Francisco
1300 Polk St, San Francisco, CA 94109
Street Parking, Limited Parking Garage on Bush/Polk
Childcare available Saturday $10 Per Child
Friday, March 8
6:30 PM - 7:00 PM | Cheese and Mocktails
7:00 PM - 8:30 PM | Session 1 with Emily Joy
Saturday March 9
9:00 AM - 9:30 AM | coffee and gather
9:30 AM - 12:00 PM | Session 2 with Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers
12:00 PM to 1:30 PM | Lunch Break
1:30 PM - 4:00 PM | Session 3 with Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers